Our story takes place in the 1880s, a very perilous time for the health of most humans. One of these humans in danger of failing health happened to be Jason Sphygmo’s father, Johannes. Johannes Sphygmo was a bread winner by trade and a marksman by folly. He died spontaneously during his afternoon coffee, right in front of Jason on a Wednesday. This caused a deep impression in the silly putty of his mind, for Jason was nary 20 years old.
Heaven Knocks On His Cranium
Jason Sphygmo had the honorable profession of plumber, which at this juncture in history was a very precarious one due to the high lead content in the tubery of the time. It was on a bitter November morning that fate decided to play trickery on Jason Sphygmo. He was diligently at work in the basement of some government official’s house when a sudden surge of high pressure when through the piping, causing them to burst and knocking our poor hero unconscious. When he awoke with his head in the lap of one of the softer nursemaids of the manor and a handkerchief drenched in ether draped around his face, he was astruck with an epiphany. The vessels of the body, much like the tubery of a guildhouse, are subject to varying pressures and any type of flux or wane in these pressures can cause the bodily humors to become disbalanced. (Editor’s note: amazingly enough, this idea had uncanny accuracy in terms of the cause of his father’s death. Retrograde autopsy performed in 2004 has revealed that Johannes Sphygmo died as a result of an aneurysm in his brain, a ballooning outpouch in the blood vessel due to high pressure!) It was this hypothesis that was the catalyst of events that eventually lead to the creation of the world’s first blood pressure cuff.
The Beginning of a Legend
Three months later, after exhausting study and work in his home-made laboratory, Jason Sphygmo emerged from his labors with a 123 pound contraption he dubbed “The Sphygmomanometer”. This apparatus uses mercury and steam to gauge the internal pressures exerted on the vessels of the human body. In order to get a reading all one would have to do was enter the chamber and sit perfectly still as pressures 3 times that of the atmosphere was impressed upon his frame. A ticker tape 2 feet long would emerge from a slit in the back and once all the numbers were put into the formula and calculated out with an abacus, the subject’s blood pressure can be ascertained. The entire process only took one hour and fifteen minutes. Women were contraindicated from using the machine due to the bouts of hysteria, fainting spells, and vapors that women were susceptible to in that era.
The Rest Of the story
Jason Sphygmo lived to be the ripe old age of 42 and died of a disturbing combination of lead and mercury poisoning surrounded by the riches that his invention had brought him from the world over. Interestingly enough, on his deathbed, Jason Sphygmo had perfectly normal blood pressure.
Further Informatics
Future models had various improvements in size, efficiency, and comfort, but the original machine has a sense of majesty and honor that one must see in person to understand. The original model is on display in the Museum of Medical Conservatory Histographies in Belgrade, Iowa.
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